May 30, 2007

• Dueling Drug Companies

  Long-time readers of this xanga may remember the free flashing eyeball pen that forever secured my loyalty to…er, some drug company that for the life of me I can’t remember right now…well, anyway, due to the awesomeness of that pen, I am dedicated to prescribing that company’s medication to every single patient, if only I could remember what it was.  Man, that pen was awesome!

  And now as ever, the fierce competition rages on between drug companies to secure my drug-prescribing loyalty:  First, Alcon® came out with a paper clip holder of unparalleled beauty.  This transparent cube displayed a tableau of adorable little miniature bottles of Systane® sailing upon a turquoise sea.  In light of this precious gift from our Alcon® representative, I was all set to prescribe Systane® artificial tears for every single one of my patients in spite of the fact that they are available over-the-counter.

  

  But Allergan was not to be outdone!  No office-supply sample-giving slouches were they!  Within a matter of weeks, perhaps days, their drug representative countered by presenting us with two breath-taking aerodynamic, transparent tape dispensers, inside of which cute little miniature bottles of Alphagan®P drops bobbed whimsically upon a cheerful green sea.

  

  Since then, I have suffered an excruciating dilemma.  Which drop should I prescribe for my patients?  Alphagan® P or Systane®?  True, we received TWO tape dispensers, but the paper clip holder came first (that’s gotta be worth something).  After some deliberation, I settled on a Solomonic compromise:  I now prescribe to half of my patients Alphagan® P and the other half Systane®, which practice I can dishonestly say far surpasses the so-called “standard-of-care” among eyecare professionals today.  The best part of it all is that I get to use the baddest* paper clip holder and tape dispensers in the universe, every single day!**

  * cool person slang for “goodest”

  ** Systane® is an artificial tear produced by Alcon®.  Alphagan® P is an anti-glaucoma medication from Allergan.
  

  • 11:36 pm
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