May 26, 2005

• Star Dukes:  Episode None
  

  The twin yellow suns of the planet Tatooin' blaze brightly upon the brilliant
  orange hovercraft as it skims rapidly over the undulating, scorching,
  and pleasantly tan desert sands.  As it skids quickly to a stop at
  the edge of the farm, a musical horn sounds and two strapping young
  lads, one blonde and one brunette, leap from the vehicle with a hearty "Yeeeee-haaawwww!!!"

  Luke:  (laughs) Ya gotta
  love that Boar's Cantina, all that great mus--OW! (Beau elbows him,
  pointing excitedly at the distant female figure who just stepped out of the
  farmhouse).
  Beau:  Well, well! Looky there, Lukey! (gives loud wolf whistle and elbows Luke again)
  Luke: (scowls):  You dummy, put yer glasses on!  That's our sister, Princess Daisy!
  Beau: (sheepishly)  Oops. (dons horn-rimmed, coke-bottle spectacles).  Yer right!
  Daisy:  Time fer dinner, boys!
  Beau: You go on Luke.  I'm gonna work on the droids fer a spell. C'mon, R-Too!
  Luke: R-Not!
  Beau: R-Too!
  Luke: R-Not!
  Beau: R-Too!
  Luke: Listen...R-Not! D-Not contradict me again, Beau.  Y'hear?
  Beau: All right.  (Luke leaves.  Once he's out of earshot:) C'mon, R-Too.
  R-Not:  Beep.  Quirk.  Bibble-bot.

  Later that night at dinner:

  Luke: (throws down spoon with a cry of anguished frustration) Aaarrrrrggghhhh!
  Uncle Jesse:  What in tarnation is it this time, boy?
  Luke: Oh, it's these dadburn
  last coupla peas.  They jes' keep slidin' offa mah plate an' I
  cain't shovel 'em with mah spoon, Pa.  I jest...(sniff)...I jes'
  cain't take it no more! (starts to cry)
  Daisy:  You big crybaby!
  Uncle Jesse:  Uncle!
  Luke:  Hunh?
  Uncle Jesse:  How many times do I hafta tell ye, son, yah gotta spear them goldarn things?
  Luke:  (pokes at peas with finger; first timidly, then more aggresively)  I don't git it, Pa!  That just mushes the little critters up! (petulant)
  Uncle Jesse:  (sternly) With yer fa-werk!  The fawrk, Luke, use the FAWWRRRK!
  

  Tune in next time for STAR DUKES, EPISODE NONE 1/2, as the rebellion is
  underway and Luke and Beau begin to ponder their role in the galaxy and
  the mysterious happenings that begin to happen, almost: 

  Luke:  I don't trust
  that Obi "Waylon" Canola feller.  Always followin' me an Beau
  around, singin' 'bout us bein' "Good ol' boys" n' stuff...
  Uncle Jesse:  Hee hee hee!  Now c'mon boys, ahm sure he's never meanin' no harm by it.  Hee hee!
  Beau:  Yeah, and he keeps tellin' us how we gotta be so careful about old Darth Hoggers and Boba P. Coltrane. 
  Luke:  That jest plum don't make no sense.  Boba's a real nice feller.  I mean, he keeps tryin' to arrest us n' stuff, but that ain't so bad.  We're always one step aheada him.
  Beau:  We're more worried about his cousin, Bubba Fett.  I kissed his girlfriend and now he's trying to hunt me down.
  Uncle Jesse: 
  Hee hee hee!  Enough chit-chat.  Hee hee! 
  You boys best git a move on across the galaxy an' go rescue your sister
  from
  ol' Darth Hogg's clutches, hee hee...An'  set off some fireworks
  in his ol' Death Barn while yer at it!  Hee hee hee hee hee
  (coughing fit).
  Obi Waylon: (pops head in door as music starts playing)...Just them good ol' boys...       
  
  Voiceover:  Truly a film for the entire family!  Thrilling
  dialogue!!!!  Riveting plot!!!!  Super-duper special
  effects!!!!  And much, much less!!!!  Coming soon, to the theater of your imagination!!!!

  
  

  • 12:30 am
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