June 7, 2005
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Singing Vegetables: Evil or Good?
My fellow Americans, by now most of you have heard of the so-called
"Sagas of the Veggies" or some such thing. You may have even
watched an episode or two and chuckled at the "harmless" humor
exhibited therein. But I'm here to warn you--look beyond the surface-- there's something
dreadfully, terribly wrong aside from the obvious, blatant
grotesquery of anthropomorphized cartoon veggies and fruits singing silly songs and acting
out biblical stories.What could possibly be wrong with that, you ask? Well,
1) Adorable cartoon characters are being used to brainwash our
poor little children, to inculcate fundamentalist Christian "family
values" into the minds of impressionable young youth.2) The veggie sagas and merchandise represent a crass commercialization and a
lack of proper respect for Biblical characters and themes. If kids
learn to associate Moses with a kindly clump of cauliflower, for instance,
they will never take him seriously. They should always think of him as
Charlton Heston instead (that dangerous right-wing nut).3) Try getting kids to eat vegetables after seeing one of these
films. They start to think of vegetables as real persons and may
suffer trauma when confronted by steamed broccoli or a tossed salad of cucumber and
carrots, which may resemble their favorite
characters. Anti-vegetarian conspiracy,
I'm on to you! The
Atkins diet is clearly one prong of your attack (for the adults), and the veggie sagas are the
other (for the kids). The war is ON! Don't think you can get away from this
battle unscathed!My friends, may these words be the spark that opens up your minds a
little. We don't have to accept this kind of trojan-horse
propaganda anymore, or any other kind, for that matter. Let me know what your thoughts are,
everyone. Then write your congressman instantly to oppose the use of
adorable cartoon vegetable characters in adorable cartoon veggie
cartoons. We can make a difference, sisters and brothers!!!
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