July 4, 2006

• Happy Independence Day!

  

  Dear Stupidocles,

  I am writing to inform you that your inflammatory blog cartoon of 6/28/06 qualifies
  as hate speech under article 25:1b of the International Mulleter's
  Code.    You, sir, are obviously ignorant of the
  historical and cultural value of the mullet and its wearer or else you
  wouldn't disparage it so.  I demand you publish this letter as a
  rebuttal, but a weaselly worm like you probably won't have the guts.

  So here's the deal:  I'll educate you and any of your readers who
  perhaps weren't paying attention in school either.  Perhaps you'll
  then be more inclined to show the proper respect due to wearers of the mullet (WOMs).

  The Mullet in History

  Some cave art discovered in some place indicates that cavemen revered
  the mullet, seeing it as a symbol of masculinity and virility
  comparable to the woolly mammoth and giant sloth.

  Later, in ancient Egypt, the mullet was a status symbol.  Many
  pharoahs sported one and it is a common feature in Egyptian art and
  mummies, even to this day.

  During the dark ages, the art of mullet-wearing was forgotten. 
  Marco Polo was said to be stunned by the beauty of the mullet upon his
  trip to the courts of Kublai Khan, and he brought it back to Italy,
  where it was considered somewhat of a delicacy.  During the
  Enlightenment, appropriately, the mullet surged in popularity thanks to
  the wildly popular adventure novel The Three Mulleteers by Alexandre Dumas.

  The mullet then crossed the Atlantic (on tall ships) to the colonies
  where a group of brave mullet-wearing soldiers known as "mulletmen"
  turned the tide in the Revolutionary War.   These soldiers
  have their heirs in the countryside "mulletia" of today.

  

  Understandably, our founding fathers had a fondness for the mullet, to
  whose wearers we Americans owe so great a debt:  Benjamin Franklin,
  Davey Crockett, George Washington, Billy Ray Cyrus, Tommy Jefferson,
  John Adams, and Thomas Hanks number among the great mullet-wearing
  patriots of our great nation.

  
  George Washington sporting a mullet (It's back there somewhere, trust me)

  While the mullet's popularity peaked in
  the 1980's, it has lately undergone a renaissance, and in hip rural
  regions has never gone out of style, heavily influencing (and being
  influenced by) Nascar culture, that most American of institutions.

  Given all of this rich history, Mr. Stupidocles, you could do far worse
  than wear a mullet.  It would behoove you  as well to remove that
  immature and insulting cartoon from your website, four-eyes!

  God bless the United States, and God bless the mullet!

  --James "Bubba" Worthington III, esq.
               "Mulleted and Proud"

  • 8:18 am
  • 5 Comments