June 8, 2008
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Creative Tourism
Recently it was announced by the office of our eminent governor that Illinoisans would be seeing more roadkill on Illinois roadways in the upcoming months. One may well wonder why. “Why?” you may wonder! I don’t know why you may wonder why one may well wonder why–you’ll have to answer that question for yourself–but I do have a theory as to why we will be seeing more roadkill: Perhaps the increasing number of drivers on Illinois roads this summer, a traditional time for vacationing, will mean more collisions with animals.
But theorization and wondering are unnecessary. There is more to it.
For our good governor has explained it all clearly: “Less clean-up of roadkill will save money for our department of transportation, and allowing animals to decompose in a natural fashion will showcase the splendid array of wildlife our great prairie state has to offer, providing a form of eco-tourism sure to delight and attract many visitors here who will spend their dollars in Illinois. These visitors will have to drive to get here, and the increased traffic will lead to a ‘snowball effect’ as more vehicle-animal collisions occur. IDOT’s new ‘Roadkill Bingo’ cards, available at their website online and at any Illinois Welcome Center, are a fun new educational, family-friendly travel activity which will enable visitors to track the biodiversity of our highways’ roadkill and play a fun game at the same time. With the popularity of television shows such as the CSI series, the ‘gross-out factor’ adds positive appeal. In addition, the extra roadkill will ensure that our scavenger populations do not reach critically low numbers. Who could imagine the Land of Lincoln without turkey vultures? I for one, would despair to live in a state devoid of their particular sort of beauty. I encourage all responsible Illinoisans as a civic duty to look past the high gas prices, get out on the roadways, and start running animals over!”
Regardless of whether you agree with our governor’s revolutionary new tourism plan, you must admit: The turkey vulture, whether soaring overhead upon the currents of a mighty thermal or gnawing at the carcass of a flattened opossum, is an icon of unparalleled majesty and grace.
Disclaimer: The above article may only bear a tangential relationship to reality
Comments (1)
In retrospect, this probably would have been better using a “Thank You” letter to the governor from someone named “Turk” E. Buzzard to replace a good portion of the faux quote attributed to the governor. If one were to ascertain the thinly-veiled identity of this individual (Mr. Buzzard), they would understand his strong motivation for persuading “responsible Illinoisans” to get out there and run over animals.