June 27, 2008
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These are the Ties Which Try Men's Souls
Do you, like so many, despise neckties?
Are you among the befuddled masses, yearning to breathe free rather than straining under the yoke of that tightly bound adornment?
But you've worn it because your boss requires it, or simply because it is the accoutrement of professionalism in our society? All the while, living a life of quiet desperation, wishing to tear that hated necktie away and trample upon it as you would trample upon the conformity and stuffiness and repression it represents?
Now you have some ammunition. You are not alone. Click the link on neckties above and scroll down to the heading "anti-necktie" sentiment. There is a revolution afoot, and it is growing by the minute, comrade. We can bring these neckties to heel! As one heavily bearded Richard Marx once said after a few too many vodkas, "Neckties are reckless of the health or length of life of the laborer, unless under compulsion from society."
What other conclusion may be drawn, comrades? We as a society must compel neckties to abandon their reckless disregard for the health or length of life of the laborer! People, UNITE! Rebel against conformity, against the spreading of disease and filth, against the raising of eye pressure which is a well-known risk factor for glaucoma and a plot to keep down the rightfully-ruling proletariat, all caused by the tyranny of pompous neckties. Are you with me? I said, ARE YOU WITH ME?
Your response: (THUNDEROUS CHEERING)*
* Obey or face the consequences of your insolence, you tie-wearing stooge.
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