December 12, 2006

• Psychobabble!
  

  Dear Stupidocles,

  Last time I wrote, I encouraged you (among other things) to embrace your inner wimp.  I don't know if you grasped how really important it was to cultivate that precious relationship, and I shudder to think that you may have neglectfully allowed it wither away on the vine, or (Mother Earth forbid!) even pinned it cruelly beneath the harsh ultraviolet rays of a tanning bed to make it shrivel like a raisin.  Need I say this is not the proper way to cherish your wimpiness? 

  But what I really want to talk about now is this:

  In your recent blog entries "Helpful Advice for Single Guys" and "Letter From Another Bachelor," you present yourself as a life advice expert giving advice to a series of "single guys in their thirties".  The implication throughout (sadly picked up on by certain of your readers, such as Ms. Phan) is that these men are sorry saps, of whose predicament is to be publicly made light.

  Experience in my field and knowledge of your writing style tells me that this is a classic case of projection.  Anonymous #1, 2, and 3 are none other than you, yourself.  Your indirect insults of this particular people group clearly stem from self-loathing, insecurity, generalized inferiority complex, and the fact that, deep, down, inside, you know you are one of them.
  
  Not that those characteristics are bad!  They give me job security.

  Your first step should be to embrace all of the you-ness that makes you "YOU-neek."  Embrace your deep self-loathing, embrace your insecurity, embrace your generalized inferiority complex, embrace your fears and self-deception, and of course, embrace your inner wimp if it's still around.  You may not think of yourself as a huggy person, but that's okay.  Once you can embrace those things that most people would consider "negative", then you can truly learn to love yourself--the greatest love of all. 

  Which gets me to this point:  Not all of the things that Anonymous #3 (aka "you"!) listed in that personal ad are truly negative; for example, self-absorption is a very positive trait!  Philosopher Whitney Houston and Maslow's hierarchy of needs tell us that self-actualization is the ultimate goal to life, the apex of achievement for a human being.  One who is self-absorbed will naturally be attuned and oriented to this goal!

  Just a little advice from a real life-counselor.  I've given you the first step toward a full, happy, holistic existence, Stupidocles.  You could try figuring out the other steps on your own, but you'd be much, much better off buying my new book:  Climbing Maslow's Pyramid:  23 Easy Steps to Self-Actualization as Revealed to Me By Aliens.

  Sincerely,

  Ms. Skyye D. Eddy, PhD
  Psychologist

  Thanks so much for psycho-analyzing me, Ms. Eddy. 

  Anonymous #1, 2, and 3 = me, myself?  Really!  What about I? 
  And what part of "back in my single days" didn't you understand?  Okay,
  so technically I'm still in them (in a chronologically now sense), but
  you have to realize that when I said that I was channeling the
  Stupidocles of an alternate, perhaps future reality, so accusing me of
  "self-deception" (or any kind of deception) is a little beyond the
  pale...and why you think I would ever want to take your patronizing
  advice certainly escapes me!  The thought is preposterous.

  P.S.  Can I shake hands with my "ME-neek" characteristics instead?

  • 5:54 pm
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